11.12.07
by David L. Allen
David L. Allen says:
I was raised Roman Catholic. Not the CEO type (Christmas and Easter Only), but the every Sunday and all Holy days type and I attended Catholic School. At that time, in my world, there were only two types of people, Catholics and Publics. Catholics went to Catholic School. Publics went to Public School. Publics were all heathens and doomed for Hell.
My first clue that something was amiss was in third grade with Sister Michael Frances. During religion class, I asked her, “If God knows everything, why did he test Adam and Eve knowing they would eat the apple and then punish them for it?”
She replied, “There are some things we are not meant to know.”
From then on, it was a slippery slope of ever diminishing credibility for the Roman Catholic Church.
I went to Public School, starting in Junior High, and officially became a heathen.
When I got my driver’s license, I was given the option of driving myself to Mass. My parents liked to go to early Mass, 8:00 or 9:00. But I was, in no way, a morning person. I took the opportunity to betray my parent’s trust by driving myself to a nearby Nature Preserve and walking the trails for an hour. I am not proud of this lie, but I justified it by saying that I was worshipping God’s creation in my own way, which was much better than sitting, standing, kneeling, standing, etc, falling asleep during a particularly boring sermon, smelling that noxious incense, and drinking out of the same cup of magical blood as hundreds of others.
I really enjoyed the solitude of being in Nature and thinking about the beauty around me. My Mom wold ask, “How was the service?” I would reply, ” a breath of fresh air.”
As a young adult, I had a discussion with my mother about Hell. She confided in me that she has had a very personal struggle with shame and guilt since she was 12. Her mother, by all accounts one of the kindest people to walk the earth, died of hepatitis when my mother was 12. My grandmother had been remarried to my grandfather after divorcing her first husband. My mother’s Roman Catholic belief was that her mother would now burn in Hell for all eternity, because she remarried. That was the last straw for Catholicism. Any religion that would do that to a child is unworthy of any respect. Any God that would send a lovely person to Hell for getting out of a rotten marriage was corrupt.
After college, I moved to California and met friends of every imaginable faith. I dabbled with New Age a bit. I liked how it brought together all kinds of interesting philosophy, but it was entirely too flaky for an empiricist like me.
I checked out Buddhism, which really rang true with its philosophy of compassion and oneness, but I just couldn’t get past that reincarnation thing. No matter how I looked at it, I couldn’t imagine how a soul could be reincarnated.
When I died, I was really annoyed that I did not have an OBE, NDE, or even see a flash of white light. Everything just went black and quiet-like. Then I woke up in the hospital. What a disappointment. But I did develop a deep compassion for others.
In the late nineties, I read a book called, “Created from Animals: The Moral Implications of Darwinism” by James Rachels. It laid out an argument that if one believes in evolution, there is no moral justification for mistreating animals. I won’t go into the details here, but it really got me thinking about our role as human animals.
At this point I was effectively an atheist, although I had a fuzzy concept of some all-encompassing higher power.
Several years ago, I came across a thesis titled, “A Moral Argument for Atheism” by Raymond Bradley. The argument revolves around the premise of defining morality, then testing whether the God of the Bible passes the test. The piece makes the claim that the only moral choice is atheism. (assuming that atheism is defined as without theism)
Here is a short synopsis on the thesis:
http://www.strongatheism.net/library/athe
I found that I could not reasonably argue with any of the points. And so, I found that the label atheist fits.
So here I am today. There may be a god of some sort out there. My belief is that, if there is, it is beyond anything that we can possibly comprehend. Sort of like visualizing 6 dimensional space. It is therefore not worth considering seriously. I live my life based on the principles of compassion and love buoyed by my endless curiosity.
Comment from MPJ: I foudn this story on an Amazon forum:
There were lots of people posting their story there but I thought this one most clearly illustrated the points………
It is interesting that this person claims to be an atheist (usually Stage Three) He has definitely rejected the mythic God of the Stage Twos. But he shows a few Stage Four type traits: He has no need of certainty - see the last paragraph. If there is a god or not is just fine with him. He has a compassion for all people and for animals. This all sounds Stage Four-ish. In a later post he wrote: “As I mentioned earlier, to me, God is not a separate being with intentions, God IS everything, all the sub-atomic particles and the things they comprise, including us. Every path you follow, every decision you make is part of the whole. When you speak, God speaks. When the tree sways, God sways. When the Spring Peepers chirp on a cold Spring evening, God is singing to me.” - definitely Stage Four-ish!!
I would have liked to hear more about the “when I died…” story!
Judy Beckman said,
November 14, 2007 at 11:19 am
I believe there are flaws in Catholic and all other denominational doctrines that cause people to feel distance from God because of circumstances beyond their control, such as divorce. I sympathize with the hurt the church caused you and your family. Despite the church which sometimes does more to hurt than help people’s faith, I feel there is a yearning in every human heart to exercise spirituality and feel unexplained comfort from a dimension beyond them.
I am a Christian who has always loved God but became disappointed in the church. (I invite you to read and comment on my article “Good-Bye Catholic Box–Hello True Spirituality.” )
As I went through the pains of divorce I experienced God through miracles that saved my life and made Him more real to me than ever. Everyone’s experience is not the same, but God is real and cares for each and every one of us. I can’t get through life without God.
Although the church may not forgive divorce, I know God does because He came to earth that all may receive His forgiveness and reconciliation regardless of past problems.