11.20.07
IT WAS THE NAME AND THE WORD By Francine L. Baldwin
As far back as I can remember I always knew there was a God. Raised as a Roman Catholic and attending parochial school all of my life, religion was a major part of my education. I not only learned about God, but also about his mother Mary, and all of the saints. Our day started with prayer, and then our first class was catechism, lessons about God, heaven, sin, life, death, Mass, the seven sacraments, etc. We did not study from the Bible, our lessons and teachings came from a missal and catechism books, taught by Nuns or Priests.
We were taught in a strict and regimented way, no questions asked, no expressing your ideas, and certainly no debating. There was a God, who sent his son, who died for our sins and rose on the third day. If you were good, you went to heaven, if you were so-so, you went to purgatory, and if you were bad, you went to hell, and of course, there were the saints to help you out, there was a patron saint for everything. Besides that, there was always confession, where you entered into a small booth and confessed your sins to a priest, who in turn gave you penance, which usually meant saying the, “Our Father, Hail Mary or the Rosary,” a few times, and Voila! Your sins were forgiven.
As I grew older and things started happening in my life, rape, a bad marriage, divorce, single parenting, and working long hard hours in an auto assembly plant, started to take a toll on me. I had the love and the help of loving parents and family, financially I was doing well, I always had a new car, had a beautiful home and my daughter had everything that we could possibly give her. Yet, deep inside, I was growing tired and weary. To look at me from the outside, you saw a happy, well-dressed, self-supporting, established, fun-loving, popular, intelligent, good-looking, young woman. I had everything and went everywhere.
However, if you were able to look on the inside of me, you would have seen a broken, empty heart, built up tears, and a great big void. There was something missing, with everything I had, and the busy life that I led, I still felt lonely and unsatisfied.
My daughter went to the same parochial schools that I had gone to, and we attended our parish church and Mass on a regular basis. I wanted to raise her with a good, solid catholic background, which I did, and I tried my best to stay in the faith in which I was raised, and raised my daughter in. I felt obligated to so, but that was all that I felt, a sense of obligation. I would take out my old missile, pray the prayers, go and confess my sins, attend the forty-five minute Mass, and come out just as empty as I went in.
Now, my daughter was well into her teens, I had seen to it that she had a religious background; she knew and believed in a God. I felt that my job in that area of her life was done. As far as going to Mass and confession were concerned, I felt that I was wasting my time, and attended them less and less, until they finally became a thing of the past. I continued praying, but feeling that God was not answering my prayers, my faith grew weak, and I became spiritually numb and lost. I knew there was a God, I knew he was real, I believed in him, but that was it, nothing more and nothing less.
Later, I was transferred over to the second shift on my job, and my life rapidly started to
change, and not for the better. Our lunchtime was 9:00-9:30 pm. Thursday night was pay night, and since most of us slept late into the day, we would run out to the local bars, where we could cash our checks, grab a drink, a sandwich and make it back into the plant before the bell rang. Every Thursday night, I would run past a group of nerds who was gathered in a circle, for what I did not know, I did not care and was not interested in finding out why. My only concern was to get to the bar and back before the bell. One Thursday, I was running a few minutes late, and as I ran past them, I thought I heard someone say, “In the name of Jesus!” I stopped short, and looked at them, they were holding hands, their heads were bowed and their eyes were closed. I turned around and continued to run out to complete my mission. I usually would come back into the plant a different way, but that night, I came back in, the way I went out. For some reason, I wanted to pass by the nerds again. As I passed by them, they were smiling and hugging each other, and somebody yelled out, “Hey sister, you’re welcome to join us anytime!” I ignored them and their invitation, asking myself, who in their right mind wants to join them and their cult.
Nevertheless, for the rest of the shift, my mind stayed on them, and the phrase, In the name of Jesus.
Months went by, and every Thursday night as I would quickly pass by them going and coming, they would be all smiles and yell out their invitation in unison, and not missing a beat, I would yell back, yea, yea yea, thinking to myself yea, maybe one of these days, but it sure won’t be no time soon! Yea, they had caught my attention, yea, they knew it and I knew it.
But what I did not know was that, they were praying for me, and they knew it was just a matter of time before I joined them, and it would be a lot sooner than I thought.
One Thursday night, I ran past them and when I got to the door, it was snowing so bad, I decided to stay in, disappointed and not wanting to hear their redundant invitation, I went to the plant cafeteria, taking a different route so I didn’t have to pass by them. Another Thursday night, my rider left me, another Thursday, I lost my car keys, shortly after that, they shortchanged me at the bar, and soon after that, on another Thursday night, the alcohol got me so sick I lost my taste for it. During this time, my cousin had sent me a birthday gift; excited, I unwrapped it and found that it was a Bible, disenchanted; I threw it into my junk drawer.
On top of everything else, the relationship I was in was ending, and all of my material possessions, friends, parties, invitations and popularity grew insignificant. Coming home from work one night, I turned on the radio, and much to my surprise, instead of hearing the sweet sounds of R&B, I heard a man preaching. I had never heard anyone talk about the Lord and Jesus, in the way he did. Interested, reaching the house, I rushed parking, ran in, found the station, and relaxing I sat down and attentively listened to every word. In closing, he said a prayer, ending it with, “In the name of Jesus.”
The next night, this preacher announced that he was starting on a series about prayer, praying, and how to get your prayers answered. This was just what I needed to hear, it was as if he was talking directly to me. He spoke in a way that was easy to understand, he gave examples, he gave scriptures and every now and then, he even said something to make you laugh. I absolutely loved this person. I was like a sponge as I listened to him; I sopped up and absorbed every word. By the end of the week, I was a little confused; this was all so new, so different from what I had been taught and believed in all of my life and yet, I knew that it was so right. I had finally found something that would shine a new light on, and in my life. It was a teaching that offered genuine healing and hope for me, and every part of my spiritual being. This man called himself a Christian, and he was teaching and preaching the unadulterated word of God, and I could not wait to hear what he had to say about Jesus, and all of what he did, what he wanted to do, and what he will do for us. He said that all we had to do was to ask in his name, ask according to his will, believe that we receive, and have faith. I never heard that before, continuing, he said, don’t take my word, take God’s word, it’s in the Bible. I ran to the drawer, got my bible, looked up the scripture he gave, and sure enough, it was there. From that point on, the bible became my best friend, never leaving my side. I took it to work and read it in-between jobs and during my breaks. At home, I sat in my kitchen reading it as I cooked, and at night I read it before I went to sleep, laying it on the nightstand besides my bed, and grabbing it as soon as I opened my eyes.
I no longer had a desire to run to the bar on Thursday nights; instead, I accepted the Christians invitation and joined their bible study group, not only on Thursday nights, but every night.
My daughter and I started attending a full gospel Christian church where we were fed the word, and we ate every bit of it. We started praying according to the word and will of God, putting our names and desires in the appropriate scriptures and psalms. We asked and prayed in the name of Jesus, and having faith, we experienced the joy of having many of our prayers answered. I do not have anything against Catholicism, or any other structured, organized religions, nor do I speak against them. However, for me, it was the word of God and the name of Jesus that changed my life, filled the void, gave me peace, set me free, and gave me a new birthday and birthright into the Christian family.
___________________________
This author sent this bio: I am a 53 year old retired breast cancer survivor. The mother of one daughter, and granddaughter to four beautiful grandchildren. I am currently perusing my passion for writing, and has been published in an anthology, “Memories of mother,” and online in Guideposts magazine, and mother wise.
Comment from MPJ: I have had permission to post this story for a long time. I did not post it because I really didn’t know what to say as to how this story fits in with the stages. She could be a Stage Two or a Stage Four. She really does not say enough about her current beliefs to say. It is nonetheless an interesting story. Please feel free to comment.
Judy Beckman said,
November 21, 2007 at 6:07 pm
Your experience in the Catholic church sounds familiar. I’m glad you eventually found an authentic and very meaningful outlet for your spirituality in your own time and in your way. Nothing else satisfies this yearning no matter what we have in life. Sounds like you have overcome some very tough times–rape, divorce, breast cancer–but you never gave up and left yourself open for true healing, thank God!
amy brown said,
December 3, 2007 at 12:02 am
i really enjoyed reading this it gave me hope and inspiration to keep looking for a church out here in pennsylvania somewhere i can belong and a place that might fill the emptiness inside me.i love my girls and my husband but something still feels missing.keep up the good writing!!!
Joyce Wyatt said,
December 5, 2007 at 1:27 am
It warms my heart when I hear the message of an overcomer. Everything the Word of God and the name of Jesus has done for you is available for all by faith. Keep sharing your testimony, it gives hope.
Sharon Williams Morris said,
December 7, 2007 at 7:40 pm
My heart goes out to my cousin for sharing her “Life” testimony. You have taken the word of God to another level and your life speaks to just what the unadulterated truth of God’s word and what it will do in your life. I am encouraged by your testimony - it is strengthenning to me. I pray God’s continued blessing in your life and especially over your writings. You go girl!! You know that I got your back!! Your Cuz!
Teresa Beckham said,
December 8, 2007 at 6:07 pm
Francine, that was really a nice well expressed story about how you really discover the true word ,and excepted the Lord Jesus Christ as your personal savior.The difference in your earlier life and your older life was. When you were young you were in church, but once you discover the real meaning the church was in you. That is why you were thristing for the word, keep onreading and study the word. your sister in Christ Teresa
Helen Williams said,
December 10, 2007 at 7:10 pm
Francine, You are very courageous for sharing this story. We really enjoyed reading it. We, are so glad that you found the true word. You are truly a overcomer, and I know your story will and has blessed others. You and your writing will always be in our prayers. David and Helen
GHOSTWRITER said,
March 28, 2008 at 7:54 am
This story is very encouraging to those who are still trying to find thier way. Every single one of us has a purpose for our being, if you pause for a moment and listen, God will reveal your purpose. If not, He will be sure to get his Word through to you the way he did Francine. God pursues us, He is constantly initiating & seeking for us to come to Him. Unlike any other revelation of God, Jesus is the clearest, most specific picture of God pursuing us. This testimony proves that! He allowed her to continue on, eventually finding her purpose, which is to write, and along with that, he gave her a story and a testimony! He created us with the intention that we would know Him. This is my mom, this is her story, this is her testimony. Read it, PAUSE, LISTEN, learn from it. What is God speaking to you? Mom, continue encouraging, inspiring, and fortifying through your writings!
Merita Cameron said,
April 12, 2008 at 12:24 pm
Having known Francine since her early parochial school years, I have witnessed the transformation in her life and can validate her “testimony” as her daughter so aptly phrased it. God sent her on this journey so that would emerge a stronger and wiser person who doesn’t take anything for granted and lives life to its fullest. Francine has a genuine gift for writing but this does not surprise me. She was always able to hold my sister and I captivated as she related her life experiences to us with such frank honesty. As she goes forward, others will get to enjoy her “joie de vivre” and incredible sense of humor. At the same time, she will offer lessons to be learned. I am grateful for our enduring friendship.